DEAR LOVE,

Thank you for your patience and your belief in me. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life…No, no, actually I am not. I am ok. Yeah, that’s the whole truth. I am ok and all its synonyms (fine, good, etc.). Don’t feel bad for me though. Ok can be quite a game changer, don’t you think? I can proudly admit that I am just ok despite my perfect selfies or my exciting social media activity. There, I said it. And it feels better acknowledging my current state of self-esteem than veiling it with Instagram stickers and Snapchat filters. This time, I am writing to you because I want you to know that I believe in you the same way you always have and always will in me.
I know it sounds very corny but I do believe in you. To be honest, it wasn’t always like that. There had been times when I tried to pretend that you don’t exist. Times that I thought that you were never around. Times that I considered your presence in my life as nothing more than pure sexual pleasure. But I was wrong. You do exist and you are always around. Not in those seconds of sexual tension but in these fingers that write this letter to you this exact moment; in these eyes that I tried to persuade myself that they were nothing special compared to theirs; in these curvy lips that I never admired for their juiciness and joyful redness; in these parts of my body which I always believed that they looked unattractive and graceless in their eyes; in every glimpse of universe that my soul has to offer.

 

Yes. You are me. You are us; all together as mankind or as individuals. I don’t know how you do it but you are everywhere. Sometimes you make yourself heard while other times you keep a low profile. Your name will never be worn out and yet it’s been pronounced by millions of tongues per minute. You smile uncontrollably and when smiling hurts, you cry. But those tears aren’t sad tears; those are tears of joy and gratitude; tears of innocence and affection. I could just keep describing your glorious existence in all of us but I am sure you are aware of your qualities. However, let me get back on the reasons why I am writing to you. I don't know if you acknowledge it but there's lots of cruelty out there. Trust me there is. We hate and we do it unapologetically. We lie, we manipulate, we kill, we rape, we destroy and when we have turned everything into ashes we get nostalgic about our loses. How could there be love if my world is like that? How could you exist when I've never felt you in my life? Those were the thoughts which led me to believe that you weren't real. My faith in you had been challenged. I have been lonely and when I wasn’t lonely I was rejected and when I wasn’t rejected I was being emotionally used. Yeah, it was as awful and cruel as it sounds. Don’t get yourself fooled though. None of the above have changed in my life yet; people still reject me or try to emotionally manipulate me. What’s different now is that I will no longer tolerate that behaviour. I will no longer put up with these people. I will no longer accept anything else than the greatness I deserve. And you know why? Because I have you now.

 

You, pure and sweet love, I have you to guide me and show me who I am now. I have you to love me and, thus, teach me how love myself again. I have you to remind me how to be kind and if I have forgotten how kindness feels like, I have you to remind me how it does. This is not a rebirth of my identity. I am not reinventing myself. I am simply accepting you and your influences on my life. The ways in which you take my breath away when I read my favourite poem or how you fill me with experiences every time I travel. Love, this is for you. Not for a lover, a friend or a mother. This letter is a thank you for your presence in my life. An expression of my eternal appreciation for filling up my body with your existence and conquering my soul with your flags. And I promise you, I will no longer think less of you. I will not question your existence. From now on, I will cherish you. Celebrate you like I’ve never done before. From now on, I will be happy. You have my word.

Love,

V.

#ILIAAW #VZ #DL